Cue the confetti- we’ve now made 7 years of My So Called Dutch Life!

This year has found us adjusting to a new normal as our daughter completed her first year at university in Spain, and we moved to a new city in The Netherlands.  On last year’s anniversary, I said I wasn’t going to make any new goals for the year after failing to complete any of my goals for the previous year.  Those unachieved goals were:

1. Getting myself to where I want to be physically is my number one goal this year.
2. Working on 3 or 4 creative ventures that I have been thinking about for a while.
3. Getting to a list of about 10 museums that we would like to see.
4. Bike to the beach.

I also said that, in light of making no new goals and just having space to adjust to our new circumstances, that on this seventh anniversary, “I hope that I can report that we are all happy, experiencing less stress, and have been enjoying ourselves and making the most of our time.”

Well, as to the goals, we can check off three and four (yay!) and make note of a slow start to numbers one and two, but not full completion.  And how about the hope that we are happy, less stressed and enjoying ourselves?  Let’s go with “somewhat.”

Just like all times for all people, there has been stress this year.  Is it more or less than last year? I’m not sure.  Just after our anniversary of our Dutch life last year, we moved our daughter to university.  While that was certainly a stressful time, it really went quite well.  She did extremely well, got involved, met people and just generally found her way and seemed happy.  This has been a relief (though we do miss her).  A few days after moving her, we moved to our new city.  That was definitely stressful for awhile trying to coordinate everything and start to feel situated, and some of that stress has continued all year with repairs here and there and trying to figure things out, but overall we really like the new area.  We are in a quiet location with a lot of privacy, but we can easily walk to a lot of shops and restaurants which is nice and something we didn’t have in our old house.  It’s also pretty convenient for getting to the school and for getting to larger cities for more activities.  So, overall this has definitely been a positive thing.  The less positive stressors- we’ve continued to deal with some health related issues though it’s nothing too serious, thankfully, and we’ve continued working through the grief from the loss of our family member last year.  Unfortunately, we’ve also experienced the loss, recently, of our cat of sixteen years.  My husband’s work has been very stressful, and there have been some stressors this year with our son’s school which have been quite upsetting.  So, all in all, is that less stress, more stress or just different stress?  I have no idea, but I don’t think “no stress” is realistic, so I guess we will just keep plugging along as best we can.

Are we enjoying ourselves? I think so.  We didn’t travel as much this year.  We visited our daughter at university, my husband and I took a weekend trip while our son was on a school trip, and we just recently traveled to see family in Brazil and hung out in Switzerland while our son was at camp.  It was about 50% less travel than we have done in other years.  We also didn’t have any big milestone events this year.  So, honestly, it felt like we mostly worked, did school, completed chores and just went through the motions of daily life, but we did enjoy the quiet and checking out new things in our new area.  We also enjoyed watching our daughter embrace her new life.  We got into some new things this year that were nice- my husband started playing volleyball, and, although it resulted in an injury that wasn’t too great, he did really like playing.  After six years of not singing, I joined a choir here which has been fun. So, while it may not have been our most lively year, I think that we did at least try to make the most of things and found things to enjoy.

So, are we happy? I think so- as much as anyone is that lives in today’s world, with friends and family spread all over the place and not nearby, with teenagers moving out and on the verge of finishing school and figuring out their future, with aging bodies and aging family members. Maybe doesn’t sound the most uplifting, but we have our family, we have our friends, we are safe and mostly healthy, we try to make the most of things, and we laugh and have fun-I think that’s not too bad.

As always, I like to look a bit to the future, so this coming year, we are looking forward to:

1. Watching our kids continue to mature and prepare for their next steps in life
2. Traveling more
3. Improving our mental and physical health
4. Spending time with family and friends as much as we can
5. Accomplishing some creative projects (maybe not so much for my husband)

I hope all of you are well and experience positive things in the future, too.  With any luck, we’ll be able to share some fun adventures and interesting stories with you all this year, but regardless, thanks for sticking around for seven years and I hope to still see you on this page for year eight!

Today marks year six of living My So Called Dutch Life-the end of our second decided upon block of time that we would be staying here.  And, it probably doesn’t come as a surprise to most of you, we are still here.  This past year has been full of many endings, beginnings, emotions and decisions which have led us to the plan to stay in The Netherlands for another three years.

Let’s start with the beginnings.  This year our son began a new school after enduring a difficult situation at the old school.  I’m happy to report that things went fantastically!  He loves the school, feels connected and accepted and has made many friends.  He joined several theater performances and felt very accepted into that community of students and staff.  It has been amazing to see how much happier and more confident he is.  The downside to the new school, as I reported last year, was that it was a 40-minute drive (without traffic, and there was always traffic) one way.  This means that for the past year, I have spent anywhere from three to four hours in the car every day.  While that has been quite draining and left me with little time to get things done during my day, it was worth it to see the positive change in our son.  Another beginning that hasn’t quite started yet, but is very close, is that our daughter is beginning college.  After considering attending in the US, she settled on an American school located in Madrid.  So, she will be moving to Spain in a few weeks’ time!  It’s an exciting, but also saddish beginning as she will no longer live with us for most of the year.  But, we are excited to see where this experience takes her and how she will grow.

And now, we come to the endings.  Somewhere around December, we made the decision that the most logical thing for us to do would be to move closer to our son’s school.  This meant that even though we really like our current house and the area we live in, we would need to begin looking for a new house.  This is not an easy or fun process in the Netherlands, if I am being honest, especially if you are not overly enthusiastic about the move.  Nonetheless, we plunged ahead, and I’m happy to report that we will be moving in September (if we survive the stress of coordinating renovations, goods moving and all the little things you have to do when you settle in a new community).  This year also marked the end of the volunteering that I have been doing at the school in Rotterdam.  After six years of volunteering through PTSA and three years volunteering on the school foundation board and serving as the Newspaper Club and Kindness Club advisors, I said goodbye to those responsibilities.  I am looking forward to having less of those obligations taking up my time, but it was also strange to say goodbye to the students and all the work that we had put into the clubs.  And finally, we put an end to IB (our daughter’s high school program) and our connection with the school she had attended for the past six years.  Let’s just say that not all endings are sad, and the relief we felt at the completion of that program was immense.  The past year has been difficult as we continued to watch our daughter struggle with the demands of the program and the difficult environment at the school, and closing that chapter successfully was a happy ending.

These decisions and emotions have led to a lot of chaos and anxiety this past year.  There is also (as always, but seemingly more so now than before) the anxiety and uncertainty that comes with thinking about what will happen in three years when our son graduates high school.  Where will we go, what will we be doing, where will our kids be, how will we face the challenges that come with all of these factors?  All of that has been compounded by stressful times at my husband’s work and the loss of a close family member.  It has not been an easy year, and we will likely continue to experience these feelings for a while still, but we continue to try to face the new things with a positive outlook and to try to find things to experience, enjoy and celebrate.

And now, as always, a look back on the goals for the past year…

1. Getting myself to where I want to be physically is my number one goal this year.
2. Working on 3 or 4 creative ventures that I have been thinking about for a while.
3. Getting to a list of about 10 museums that we would like to see.
4. Bike to the beach.

In light of everything described above, I completed none of these.  This has been my worst year ever for achieving goals.  So, my number one goal next year is to do better!

Seriously though, I still hope to achieve the above items in the coming year.  But aside from those items, I’m not going to make a list this year.  I think I am going to give myself the space to just adapt to the new situation we will be in and to see where the year takes us.  My hope is that next year, I can report on some interesting and fulfilling things that we have been up to, but more than that, I hope that I can report that we are all happy, experiencing less stress, and have been enjoying ourselves and making the most of our time.

Happy 6^th Anniversary!

As I sit down to write this, I cannot believe that 5 years have gone by since the creation of this blog and our move to The Netherlands.  Sometimes, it seems like these 5 years have been just as normal (well mostly) as if we had stayed in our home state, and other times, it feels like we have experienced so much that we have completely changed who we are.  These 5 years have seen their fair share of excitement and fun but also hardships, self-doubt, and frustration.  I am reminded of a family relations class that I took in college (more years ago than I care to admit) in which the professor said that generally the first year and the fifth year of marriage have been shown to be the most difficult.  Maybe that holds true for an overseas move as well.

For obvious reasons, our first year was tough.  It was filled with lots of exciting new adventures and friends but lots of uncertainty and self-doubt.  After that, it felt like we had hit our stride a bit.  Sure, things would crop up here and there, friends would still move away, and Covid was a rough blow for certain, but for the most part, things were going pretty well.  And now, here we were in our fifth year, and things once again became difficult.

For starters, we have been struggling all year (and if we are honest for a year or so before this) with our youngest’s school environment.  He has struggled with being an outcast from the small group of kids in his grade (a problem we had been worried about with the small school) for almost two years, but this year, it escalated into full bullying and not the physical (for the most part) kind which might have been easier to deal with.  No, it was a full psychological assault, and though we knew it was happening, we weren’t aware of the full impact it was having on our child until a few months ago.  Aside from the parent guilt of having put and left him in this situation, this put us into a panic about what to do because it was clear that we could not leave him in this environment anymore.  Unfortunately, the nearest school that utilizes a school schedule and curriculum that we are comfortable with is about a 40-minute drive away.  This put us into a tailspin of uncertainty about whether we could compromise on some of what we are looking for and go to a closer school, or if we would have to face the prospect of driving back and forth every day and being unable to attend as many school functions as if we lived closer.  In the end, after trying to weigh many factors, the further school won, and we had to scramble to apply and gain admission.  Luckily, we did, and we have been full steam ahead with embracing the new school since, however, we still have the daily drive looming over us and the difficulty of having one foot in the door at two unrelated schools as our oldest it still at the old school for one final year.  It has certainly caused some stress and will most likely continue to do so into the future.

A second difficulty this past year has involved our oldest.  Last year, she began an International Baccalaureate program at school, and though we knew it was going to be time consuming and demanding, I don’t think we were fully prepared for the amount of time it would take her away from family time.  With very little free time left, she spent a lot more time in her room working and a lot less time doing things with us.  In addition, watching the effect that this workload had on her was devastating as a parent because I want her to still have time to be a kid and to enjoy her last years of high school.  On top of that, she faces her own difficulties with the school environment and the lack of social opportunities which brought up those old feelings of self-doubt and the same question that I had a lot in the first year of this experience which was “did we make the right decision, or did we destroy our children’s happiness?”  And to add insult to injury, we had to begin thinking about where she is going next.  Graduation and moving away is hard enough in normal circumstances, but with college looming, the possibility of her heading back to the US and us still living here was beginning to look less like a possibility and more like a reality.  All of this was enough to induce some definite stress and uncertainty.

Another struggle this past year has been health related.  I have been having a few issues (more than I wanted or anticipated) with my health this past year.  Nothing truly life threatening or serious that I know of, but I was still caught by surprise and thrown into a bit of a tailspin by what I was experiencing.  Health issues are a stressor in and of themselves, but living here, I really struggle with the healthcare system.  I don’t want to experience problems and have to utilize a system that I do not fully trust, understand, or agree with.  Having a major health issue here has been one of my fears from the beginning and having to deal with these things this year has really brought me down.  My frustrations with the healthcare system and my own self for having these issues has been very difficult this year and has taken a bit of a toll on me mentally.

Finally, as I have mentioned before, one of the hallmarks of being an expat is never really knowing how long you will stay or where you will go next.  For some expats, this is a yearly ordeal, but for us, it was never that bad.  In the first year, we knew how long we would be here (at least so far as we had planned), and only as we hit our third year, did we start to have to question that reality and make decisions.  After deciding to stay until our oldest graduates, this worry was again removed for us.  But here we were in this past year, having to have these discussions again as graduation is on the horizon, and with a job and another child, it is not as easy as just picking up and leaving.  So, uncertainty is back as we lean into the ever-popular expat behavior of just sitting back and waiting until the answers and the path become clearer so that a decision can be made.

But don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t been all bad.  We have taken some amazing trips this past year and done a lot of fun things.  We have enjoyed time with longtime friends and even made new friends.  We have had accomplishments and successes and things to celebrate.  I guess, just like with marriage, there are difficulties (some years more than others) and there are joys.  It’s up to us to decide whether we let those difficulties weigh us down, or if we embrace the happy times and face the uncertainties and frustrations together with the belief that we can face the challenges, find happiness in whatever comes next, and make decisions without fear or doubt because we have each other and a network of people that will see us through.  And maybe, after 5 years, we have seen that even when it doesn’t feel like it, we might be a little stronger than we think.

So now, to hold myself accountable, here is a revisit of last year’s goal.

1. Taking 5 trips that were slated for year 5.

I’m happy to report that we took 4 of the 5 planned trips.  One had to be substituted for an alternate location.  We loved these trips and had a really good time together.

2. Have at least 1 conversation in Dutch in which I don’t sound like a two-year-old.

I’m not sure I accomplished this, but my oldest reminds me that a two-year-old can’t order in a restaurant or make a dental appointment.  In addition, while it isn’t a conversation, I did read a whole 250 page book in Dutch, so that was an accomplishment for me.

3. Get back in shape.

I wish I could say I accomplished this.

4. Complete the list of places to see in The Netherlands that I created our first year.

We are so close.  We have scheduled to see the last 2 places within the next 4 weeks, so fingers crossed, we get to.

5. Complete 6 bike route trips that I had researched.

We have completed 3 of the 6 trips.  Upon further research, they weren’t as doable as I originally thought, but I haven’t given up completely.

So, do I have goals for this year?

1. Getting myself to where I want to be physically is my number one goal this year.
2. Working on 3 or 4 creative ventures that I have been thinking about for a while.
3. Getting to a list of about 10 museums that we would like to see.
4. Bike to the beach.

This coming year is going to mostly be about spending time together as a family before our oldest leaves and about supporting both of the kids in their school work and activities.  It should be a crazy and emotional year which will come with many challenges and difficulties I am sure, but I hope that we can find many positives and enjoy ourselves along the way.  So, I hereby raise my (imaginary) glass to five years of “my so called Dutch life.”  Through all the ups and downs, you have been more life altering than I ever thought possible.  Happy Anniversary!

**For those that are still out there and following our journey after 5 years, thank you for sticking with us!  I would love for you to comment or just say hi as I never know who is following along.  Also, if there are any questions/topics that you would like to see addressed, let me know-I’m always searching for new material that can be covered.

It’s once again that time of year- the anniversary of our move to The Netherlands.  Now that we have completed four years (1 more than the original plan included), we have been looking back on those years and assessing what they have meant and where we are now.

The past four years have held a lot of ups and downs.  The initial decision to move and our first months in the country were overwhelming and fraught with doubts about whether it was a good decision or whether we had damaged our children (at least, I worried about that).  As we hit the seventh or eighth month mark, we had found our groove and were starting to enjoy our new surroundings and friends.  We experienced the difficulty of having friends move away at the end of year one which made us once again feel isolated and down, but we rebounded with fun travel and experiences in our second year until everything came to a screeching halt with Covid.  Actually, the first bout of Covid closures really didn’t get us too down.  We maintained contact with some friends through online forums, and we enjoyed some really fabulous nature walks around our area and some great family time while exploring some creative ventures.  The third year was much more difficult as Covid took a harder toll and left us feeling more isolated and disappointed that we were losing time of our short-term experience here.  In addition, that third year left us having to make difficult decisions again about whether to extend our stay or return to the US.  Once again, we felt weighted with the question of whether we were making the right decisions.  It was an emotional time as we let go of our house in the US and opened ourselves to complete and utter uncertainty about what happens after our time in The Netherlands ends (for a planner, having no idea what the future looks like is sheer terror and chaos).  Our fourth year has brought more calm.  Although there have been many of the normal growing pains of a family with teenagers, most of us have been enjoying ourselves again this year.  We have still had some concerns about whether the decision to enroll the children in such a small school was a good one, but we also have a lot of pluses about the small school experience leading us to believe that at some point we just have to accept that the situation is what it is and focus on the positive aspects (easier said than done at times).  This year we were able to socialize a lot more and travel again which has been of huge importance to us (in fact, it was one of the factors in deciding to move in the first place).  We feel like we are once again being able to take advantage of living here.

As to myself personally, this year I have been a little more active in my volunteerism.  I ran two clubs for secondary students at the school which proved to be both rewarding and frustrating at times.  In addition, I have served on several committees at the school which has allowed me to help shape the school’s future direction.  Probably my most entertaining volunteer area this year was overseeing a Dutch conversation group for parents at the school  It has been a lot of fun to get together every week to socialize in Dutch (though we did cheat some and use English a bit). 

Overall, I believe that this year, we all felt good about our decision to be in Europe for longer than originally intended.  The children enjoy the opportunities that they have to know others from all over the world, travel, and have a global perspective.  We all love the chance to explore different areas of the world and experience new things.  In addition, we really enjoy spending time with the friends we have made here. 

But life is life no matter where you are, and there are still struggles and uncertainties.  We are entering new territory this year as our oldest will begin the IB program at school.  We have heard so frequently about how intense and time-consuming it is, that we have some definite fears and concerns, but we are also looking forward to seeing how it will challenge her.  Big life decisions are on the horizon which is already beginning to induce some anxiety.  Not having a clear picture of what happens in two more years is frightening and overwhelming, but being okay with that and living with it is one thing that this whole experience has helped me be able to do.   The unknown aside, we are determined to keep making the most of things here in year five. 

So…that leaves a revisit of last year’s goals.  Drumroll, please…..

1. Continue to progress with Dutch, Portuguese, and piano.  

Okay, Portuguese had to go by the wayside.  It was becoming too difficult to learn two languages at once.  Considering that the Dutch will help me most in the here and now, I stuck with that one and am happy to report that I have improved considerably.  I can read a lot now and can understand much more in conversation (though it is still a struggle to understand the native Dutch speakers at times as they speak fast).  I try to speak some, but the fear of being wrong holds me back-something I need to work on. Piano is going okay and I have improved, but a recent hiatus has slowed me down so I need to get back to regular practice.

• Get back to a consistent workout plan to lose some extra weight and get in shape.

I wish I could say that this worked.  I was consistent in a plan for a while, but I would still like to do better. 

• Read at least 1 book a month.

I did it!  There were a few times that I wasn’t sure I would make it, but I did.  I even got two read during one of the months.  It was actually nice to get back to reading consistently. 

• Travel and visit a few more places in the Netherlands that we want to see (for goodness sake Covid, give a girl a break!)

I am so happy to report that this finally happened.  We went to several of the places in The Netherlands- at this point, we have almost completed the list of items to see/do here that I made a couple of months after arriving four years ago.  In addition, we got to take the trips that we had to cancel when Covid hit- Italy, Ireland, and Greece.  We even got to add a few others-Poland, Kenya, and Brasil. 

• Take more bike trips

I am still really hoping to do a bike trip to the beach this summer, but as of right now, nothing more than our normal biking has taken place.  After a recent bike accident, we probably need to get the bikes checked before attempting a long trip so maybe later this summer or in very early fall before the weather turns on us.

So, any goals for this year? 

1. You should know by now that travel is always on my goal list.  We have 5 proposed trips this year, and I really hope we get to take all of them.  In addition, we are hoping to add in a couple of quick weekend getaways.  Fingers crossed!
2. Have at least one conversation in Dutch in which I don’t sound like a two-year-old.
3. I have really got to get back in shape this year.
4. I would like to complete the list of places to see in The Netherlands that I created when we first moved here (with the help of a guidebook written by a long-time expat). 
5. I would like to complete 6 bike route trips that I researched a couple of years ago.

So, at the close of year 4, we feel pretty good about this journey and what we have gained. Hope to keep seeing you all here as we move full steam ahead into year 5!

As we find ourselves on this side of the pond with war underway in Europe, it is a strange feeling to be this close.  Growing up in the US, while there were wars during my childhood, war heroes and the memory of war, no war had touched American soil in any recent period of time.  War always seemed a long way away.  While this war is not quite at our doorstep, we do feel a bit closer, see a bit more of the effect, I believe, and especially being part of an international community with our school and friends, see many more angles than if we were currently in the US.  So, I thought I might outline a few of our observations from our situation:

1. As a part of an international school within driving distance of a war zone, our children have war on their minds in a bigger way than if we were in the US.  Yes, I believe that if we were in the US there would be discussions about the war, it would be on the news, and there would be donation and relief efforts.  However, I believe that most kids in the US right now are probably not harboring fears that the war could end up at their door and are not worried about how it is effecting friends and their families.  In addition, I think that our kids may be engaging more in relief efforts and considering how they and their school community can help.  In fact, kids in the US just may not be having discussions about it quite as much as we are.  Kids are discussing it every day at school; we discuss it and the school discussions in our home every day; it is coming up in all our conversations with friends and colleagues and some are really scared: scared that this could involve more countries soon, scared that invasion could spill into other European countries and scared because it is personally affecting them, their family members and friends.

2. Of course, Ukrainians are experiencing the worst of the war and their situation in unimaginable, but war affects so many. Our Russian friends are hurting too.  There is uncertainty with their families back in Russia and concern for them (the family members often being elderly parents), there is uncertainty with their economic situation because of their assets in Russia, and there is fear over how they will be received simply because they are Russian (one thing that we have seen many times since moving here is how people often get unjustly lumped together in these situations-during WWII not all Germans were at fault (Nazis were) and in this war, average Russians are not at fault (Putin is) and don’t deserve to be treated as such).  War affects the mental state of everyone as we listen to one another’s fears and worries.  And, of course, we all worry as costs begin to rise even further as the ripple effects of the war begin to make their way into our daily lives.

3. The effects of the war, at times, feel a bit more “in your face” than they would in the US. Every day on our expat group on Facebook, there are requests for people who can house specific Ukrainian women with their children.  The government is making provisions and assistance opportunities for refugees.  There are local people collecting items that they will personally ferry to the Polish border for refugees, not just an opportunity to donate money online that will be handled through an agency.  There are local people driving to the border to transport refugees.  There are local people who are going to Ukraine to help fight.

As just a small example of the way war feels more present here, let me tell you a few snippets from our past week.  We saw demonstrations, large amounts of signage and flags supporting Ukraine, and refugees being transported while in Poland; we packaged up a bunch of outgrown clothes and shoes and took them to a local butcher who is taking them to refugees in Poland; we had many conversations in our home about how several of our friends/classmates are being affected and our concerns for them; we had conversations with some of these friends about how they are doing; we made an assignment in the school newspaper club to write an article about the war and how the students feel and are personally affected as many in our school community are; and finally, every month the sirens that signaled an air raid during WWII are tested on the first Monday at noon.  This past week, there were many reminders in various groups and news outlets that these would be tested (though we all know this to be the case), and that it didn’t mean there was a problem and to especially communicate this to any refugees so that they would not be afraid.  All of that really makes things feel pretty close.

4. Finally, there is something hard to explain about a war underway in countries that, just 80 years ago, had large scale war on their soil. Already, the sense of WWII is different in Europe than in the US.  The remembrances here, the scars, are not just from soldiers who fought, the families left behind or the economic sacrifices that had to be made.  The scars here belong to almost everyone in a personal way, to the cities and the land that was destroyed or rebuilt, to the physical reminders of an unimaginable horror.  And those scars live in the people in a way that they just don’t in the US.  To now have another war on European soil, to see the similarities to the past: the lands and cultural landmarks that are destroyed, the people trying to be subdued and oppressed, the people who are rising against the invaders, the people who are trying to help even at their own risk is sickening and frightening and opens old scars.

Having shared this, I am by no means trying to say that no one outside of Europe is worried or feeling the effects of the war or doing their part to help and support those being violated.  Of course, we all are and we all will.  I just thought I would take a minute to record a few of our personal observations and encounters with the situation both to record this moment in history and to share a little about different experiences in order to help us all to consider different perspectives and viewpoints, understand one another better and unite in the face of tragedies such as this.

This year marks the end of our 3^rd year in the Netherlands.  This year has been interesting to say the least.  It has probably been our most isolated year since we moved here.  We saw few neighbors, went to basically no stores or restaurants, didn’t travel, my husband didn’t go to the office more than a dozen times during the entire year, I saw very few other parents and only went on to school grounds a dozen or so times and our son spent half of the school year at home with almost no interaction with any kids except during digital classes or meetings.  Our daughter was the only one of us who probably had more social interaction this year than any other due to a special relationship that wasn’t going to be slowed down by Covid.  In a lot of ways, we really felt that we were being cheated out of the experience of living abroad this past year.  We tried to make the most of it-we tried to get out and enjoy the nature areas around us, tried to get together with friends a few times that felt safe, tried to  have fun with special occasions and holidays.  And while I think we did succeed with that for the most part, for about a quarter of the year our efforts were overshadowed by a huge cloud of uncertainty as we tried to determine what the end of this year would bring-would we stay or go.  And if we went, where would we go to and if we stayed, how would that impact the future. A decision like that is hard enough for adults but factor in the impact on your children, and it becomes agonizing. This coupled with worries over how our decisions would impact our families and an enormous amount of stress and time pressure on my husband as he navigated the next chapter for his business made the first part of this year very tough.  And while the decision to stay finally became clear, it brought with it a whole new host of decisions and uncertainties about what happens in the next couple of years and beyond which made this year an emotionally challenging year to say the least.

While closing a very big chapter of our lives by making the decision to stay and to sell our house in the States rather than return last month as originally planned feels strange, we are feeling pretty good about our decision to spend more time living here.  This has been an incredible experience for all of us.  While it isn’t always easy to deal with the uncertainties, the volatility and the complications that come with living in a foreign country and an expat community, it has really opened our eyes to the wider world, to all the possibilities out there (which is sometimes a problem itself) and to the fact that you can feel at home and build a life in many places.  And while the complications and uncertainties are not over, we are looking forward to making the most of our time here, to continuing to learn more about the world and explore new places, to meeting and spending more time with the amazing people in our community and to continuing to grow through this experience.

And now, it’s time to revisit those goals from the start of this third year:

1. Take some family bike excursions to work up to a several hour biking trip in the spring/summer – while we skimped a little on the bike excursions leading up to it, we did bike to Kinderdijk a couple of months ago as a family.  That is about a 2.5 hour roundtrip excursion.  It was a lot of fun and there were hardly any complaints.  Now that we know we can do it, we have plans to try a few other trips in the future.
2. Visit more places (I’m not giving up on this one; I just need Covid to cooperate!) – it didn’t cooperate!  This year was almost entirely tripless thanks to lockdowns and closed borders.  However, we tried to make the most of what we could do by taking a short trip to the south of the Netherlands, taking a few driving excursions and most recently taking a day trip to Belgium.
3. Complete a couple of artistic projects that I have worked up as well as a cross-stitch that I have been doing on and off for about 20 years (mostly off which is probably the problem) – the cross-stitch is nearly done!  I think I need about 2 more days.  As to the other artistic projects, I only worked on one or two.
4. Walk for an hour at least 3 times a week – I did this with no consistency.  In the fall, I did some walking and biking.  In the winter, we did take several walks in the evening but they were not an hour long.  By spring, I completely gave up on the weather and just took walks here and there.
5. Play tennis weekly with another couple and with moms at school (again I need Covid to cooperate) – and again, it did not.  Tennis courts were closed most of the year.  We do not have open courts available to play, so if the facility was closed, there was no playing.

All in all, I would say I did alright on last year’s goals but not great.  I did add a few goals in recent months-working on Dutch and Portuguese and learning to play the piano.  I have been doing pretty well with those things and have been pleased with my progress.  I also decided to complete the Everest Challenge offered through my kids’ school.  It involved a lot of flights of stairs in a 1 month period, but I did it.

So, what are my goals for year 4?

1. Continue to progress with Dutch, Portuguese and piano.
2. Get back to a consistent workout plan to lose some extra weight and get in shape.
3. Read at least 1 book a month.
4. Travel and visit a few more places in the Netherlands that we want to see (for goodness sake Covid, give a girl a break!)
5. Take more bike trips

There you have it-another year in the books and now on to year four.  To all of you that have come along for the ride through this blog during these past three years, thank you!  I hope you have enjoyed yourself and gotten a small glimpse into life as an expat, and I hope you will continue to tag along as we move forward.  Here’s wishing all of us a fabulous fourth!

Everyone said what an adventure we would have becoming expats and moving to Europe.  And while we have definitely had adventures and amazing experiences, it’s still just the day in and day out business of life most of the time.  And most of the time that is fine-maybe not what you all picture-but it’s good and normal.  However, some days are just hard and sad.  Not knowing what comes next and where “next” might take place is hard, and right now seems to be a time when that is on our mind a lot.  But being in an environment in which you are surrounded by people in this sort of volatile and temporary existence of expats, you find that the worst part, the saddest part, is what happens every year at this time; friends leave and things change.  I am generally not a person who likes change.  I like to make plans for the long term and have stability.  Living as an expat is hard for that type of person, and some days I really am not sure how I am managing it.  But this cycle of watching people that we care about, that have been an important part of our lives, pack up and move on and knowing that it could be the last time we ever see them or that our connection will likely diminish over time is hard and sad and sometimes makes me question what we are even doing in this situation.  I know no one really likes these posts where I don’t talk about the interesting and exciting things we are doing, but this is part of the picture.  Life is hard and choosing to live as expats is hard-it can’t all be adventures and excitement.  And since I started this blog to share this time in our life with you all, I feel like I have to share these parts as well.  So just know that today is a sad day and tomorrow will likely be better.  And to everyone who has been an important part of our lives and experiences,  know that we will always be thankful for our time with you no matter where you are or where we find ourselves.  Because even if we haven’t talked much or seen each other in years, you are still in our thoughts and hearts and you will have a place there forever.

One of the natural results of living in a foreign country with a language different from your native language is that you learn the country’s language because in order to integrate and speak with others, it’s a necessity, right?  Wrong!  That may be the case in many places, but here in The Netherlands, we barely know any Dutch.  Sure, we’ve picked up some basic words, common phrases and words for things we encounter frequently such as foods, but beyond that, we’ve got nothing.  You may wonder why that would be the case and I’ll tell you.

Reason 1-The Dutch are amazing at English.  First of all, a large majority of them know English, and they know if from a young age.  Knowing English is great but it must be hard to understand them because of accents, you say.  No!  The accent is minimal and really does not affect your ability to understand their English at all.  Okay, okay but conversations must be limited because they would not be used to speaking English, wouldn’t have the extensive vocabulary, would have to slow down to think about what they want to say and how it translates, right?  Wrong again!  It never ceases to amaze me that the Dutch know English so well-their vocabulary is quite good and the ease with which they can seamlessly switch from speaking Dutch to English is unbelievable.  As soon as they realize you don’t speak Dutch, they will switch in mere seconds without even missing a beat.

Reason 2-While you do encounter some Dutch people who feel that immigrants and expats should speak Dutch, a large portion feel that it is no problem to only speak English as they can speak that easily as well and Dutch is a hard language to learn.  Therefore, they are more than happy to accommodate your English speaking ways-to the point of detriment to you.  Do you know how hard it is to try to learn a new language when every time you attempt to speak it, the person you are speaking to says “Oh, English” and then proceeds to only speak to you in English?

Reason 3-We chose to send our children to an international school and being such, it is conducted in English.  When the children are in elementary school years, they take a daily Dutch lesson, but once they are in secondary grade levels, they can choose between Dutch and Spanish thus meaning that at school, my children are receiving no Dutch.  In addition, everything for parents in communicated in English and everyone affiliated with the school (with a few exceptions) speaks English.  This means that in the majority of our daily interactions and in our social circle, English is the preferred language.  We just aren’t forced to use Dutch daily or in order to connect with people.

Reason 4-If you don’t speak the language, you can live in a sort of clueless bubble.  When you can’t watch the news or read the paper, it is easy to stay oblivious to negative things happening around you.  Sometimes, this can be a nice feeling-to not have to think about all the bad things out there.  It can also be a way to ignore how far away and foreign you are in this new place.  Of course, there are times when you would like to escape the bubble and that is when it can be frustrating to not know the language, but even then, more likely than not, you can find a site that has translated news, use translator apps or ask someone who can explain it to you in English.

So, there you have it-the English/Dutch language dilemma that we find ourselves in.  Of course, I am in no way trying to excuse our lack of Dutch language skills.  To the contrary, I am disappointed and at times embarrassed by our failure to learn the language.  But, rather than focus on that, I choose to focus on how thankful I am that we moved to a country where English is so readily and willingly used, that we have met a lot of other English speakers who also struggle with this dilemma and that the Dutch are so kind about trying to help and make non-Dutch speakers’ lives a little easier.

It’s that time of year again.  It’s the 2nd anniversary of our move to The Netherlands!  In preparation for celebrating this second anniversary, I had a look back at the one year anniversary post from last year and found that while year one was an up and down rollercoaster of emotions and trying to settle in, year two proved to be a little calmer, although it had its own set of challenges.

We kicked off our second year with an awesome trip to Iceland, and, while that was a lot of fun, we were also a bit apprehensive about how the coming year would go.  As we wound down on year one, almost every single one of my close friends was leaving the area.  I wasn’t really sure how it would feel to “start over” again.  In addition, we were nervous about the teacher that our youngest had as she was pretty tough.  And, our oldest had struggled a lot with letting go of the life we had in The States and accepting the life we currently had in The Netherlands.  On top of that, we were going through the process of buying our house in The Netherlands and making decisions about what to do with our house in The States.  There was a lot to be uncertain about.

As we started back to school, I was a bit down without my friends, though I did still have one close friend that I did several things with.  Having her around really helped a lot, and, as I was now heading up the PTSA group at the school, I tried to really force myself to get to know several other parents, both new and returning.  While most of the friendships were not quite as close this year as the ones the year before, I did find that I enjoyed many of the people, and we were able to do things together.  I also found ways to be in touch with some of my friends from the year before, which was nice as well.  We even began working on planning a trip to London to spend a weekend together which was one of the goals that I had for our second year here (spoiler alert-Covid ruined that). I was also working on the goal of doing a regular biking activity with a few of the moms at the school and had a schedule of excursions planned (spoiler alert-the weather ruined that).  So, as we moved into the Fall, I felt pretty good about our social life.  I was in a Bunco group, weekly tennis lessons, a bookclub, and had coffee and lunches regularly with other moms.  We also had another family or two that we enjoyed doing things with regularly.  We had even socialized with our neighbors a couple of times.  By the start of 2020, I had rejoined a choir and a yoga class.  Those old feelings from year one of being out of place and uncomfortable were there sometimes, but for the most part, we felt like we had found a niche, and we felt more connected to the customs and celebrations here and more prepared in how to handle the ins and outs of our daily lives here.

At school, the kids were facing a few struggles.  Socially, there were some tough situations facing both of them, but nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary for their ages.  Our oldest was also facing struggles with the Student Council that she was heading up and our youngest was having some issues with the classroom environment.  Overall, though, they were doing well.  The oldest seemed to have finally let go of the hangups regarding old life versus new life and was enjoying one of her friendships here in particular.  She was enjoying several of her classes and her music and she even had a weekly dog walking job.  The youngest was enjoying extracurricular activities. learning a new instrument and socializing with friends.  Overall, there seemed to be a more positive outlook on things.

In the first half of the second year, we were able to take several trips which were a lot of fun.  We also did several things around The Netherlands.  We were able to have my mom for a visit at Christmas time.  We were looking forward to several upcoming trips and activities.  And then, the second half of our second year arrived and with it came Covid.  It seemed like everything changed overnight.  The kids were no longer in school and hence their social lives came to a screeching halt.  Our youngest struggled with this tremendously.  Our oldest felt glued to the computer for classes and assignments and missed being able to be in person with her friend.  My social life also came to a halt.  There were no more activities, no more seeing friends and because everyone was spending so much time assisting and monitoring their kids’ distance learning, there was little communication with anyone.  In addition, all of our trips that we had been looking forward to were canceled, the visit from my mom was canceled and several special school activities were canceled.  We were not very happy.

At the same time though, we were getting to spend a little more time together.  We were taking a lot of walks, eating lunch together, our oldest and I were working on a daily music challenge which required spending many hours a week together, and I was able to give some real attention to helping our youngest improve school and organizational skills.  On a personal note, I was working out and meeting some fitness goals and I was exploring a new interest in art and card making.  It was far from an ideal situation, but we were trying to make the best of it.

We finally made it back to school for a few weeks just before the end of the year.  Though we were a little nervous, the kids were glad to be back and got to have a few of the regular end of school activities which was nice.  But life was pretty quiet, and I could feel a small negative aspect to all the staying distant.  That feeling of being a little out of place and uncomfortable was growing.  Now, going to the store or having to interact with Dutch people felt a little worse than it previously did.  Driving, biking or having to take transport somewhere felt a little overwhelming.  It was like a little backslide thanks to all the months of isolating in our English speaking, Americanized home and school environment where we were not forced to be a part of Dutch society at all.  And, it also made very clear that I had failed miserably at one of my goals for year two which was learning more Dutch.  It has been a bit of an unsettling realization.

But, as we finish year two, we are trying to remain positive.  We just got to take our first real trip since Covid began, and it was a lot of fun.  We also have recently been able to get together with the other family that we like to do things with, and it was really nice to be social again.  We are still really enjoying living in The Netherlands, and we like the area that we live in a lot.  There are a lot of nature areas near us, and we really enjoyed walking in and photographing those areas in the spring.  There are also still a lot of things to do in the area and in nearby European locations.  And we still really love the international nature of our life here and getting to know people from so many different places.

But, as with every year it seems, with those positives come the struggles.  Again this year, we had to say goodbye to some friends at the end of this year, we just found out that our closest friends will no longer be at our school next year, Covid is still wreaking havoc making everything for this year (school, socializing, travel, etc. an uncertainty and at times a fear), and we are not sure where we will be at the end of year three and with that uncertainty comes a lot of decisions and potential stress.  It seems the only thing we can do is hang on and try to make the most of year three, whatever that looks like.

So, with that in mind, I’d like to take a look back at the goals we had for year two and set some goals for our third year.  Of course, as we learned from Covid, and at times from the expat life in general, life may just come along and make all of these goals impossible.  In which case, it will be time to make some new goals.

Year Two Goals

1. Learn more Dutch -oops…socializing, PTSA work and watching TV took precedence.
2. Visit more places (we’ve got some really great vacations and day trips on the horizon that we are really looking forward to)-we tried, we really did but Covid just messed this one up.
3. Take some biking excursions and/or work up a biking group with some friends-I did one with friends and we did one as a family.  Dutch weather is hard, you guys!
4. Take a small ladies trip or do some other exploring locally with friends-I went to some Christmas markets downtown with some friends and to a friend’s store opening in another city, does that count?  Again, Covid reared its ugly head and blocked my ladies’ weekend away plans.

What I learned from these goals this year- reaching goals can be hard especially when things outside of your control interfere or when you just really don’t commit to something.  But you can always adjust your goals and explore goals you didn’t know you really had.  I added some goals this year after setting these original goals-

1. Complete the Kiliminjaro Climb challenge with my oldest-did it
2. Push for and join a parent/teacher choir at school-did it (though it was short-lived thanks again to Covid)
3. Lose weight and get in better shape-did it

And now….Year Three Goals

1. Take some family bike excursions to work up to a several hour biking trip in the spring/summer.
2. Visit more places-I’m not giving up on this one; I just need Covid to cooperate!
3. Complete a couple of artistic projects that I have worked up as well as a cross-stitch that I have been doing on and off for about 20 years (mostly off which is probably the problem).
4. Walk for an hour at least 3 times a week.
5. Play tennis weekly with another couple and with moms at school (again I need Covid to cooperate)

And so, with some reflection on this past year, a positive outlook and fresh goals in mind, we are ready to jump into year three of our overseas journey.  Thank you for coming along with me on this journey for another year.  Happy anniversary and away we go!!